


something gave you the nerve to touch my hand (it's nice to have a friend)

by RoseofWinterfell



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Smut, and feelings, purely self indulgent scenes pushed together in an attempt to make a coherent storyline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23976961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseofWinterfell/pseuds/RoseofWinterfell
Summary: In the span of about 12 hours Kiara manages to kiss one of her best friends, lose another and sleep with the other one.Life's fucked._____Or Kie and JJ sleep together after the finale and Kiara try's to deal with that.
Relationships: JJ Maybank/Kiara Carrera, JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 568





	something gave you the nerve to touch my hand (it's nice to have a friend)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i can’t carry you forever, but i can hold you now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817697) by [caffeinatedvirgo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinatedvirgo/pseuds/caffeinatedvirgo). 



> Inspired by i can’t carry you forever (but i can hold you now) by ohkayy, so go read that if you haven't.  
> Title is from It's Nice to Have a Friend by Taylor Swift, doesn't really have anything to do with the fic I just like the line.
> 
> Why is this 13k words? I don't know. It has no business being 13k words. The first 3k words are just smut before we even get into feelings. In the immortal words of Chris Miles 'reel em in with the free porn, then get to the serious stuff.'
> 
> Not that it gets real serious, sorry if I seem to gloss over anything non-jiara related things it's just this was already longer than it should have been and I didn't feel like writing all the extra stuff. I hope I did alright by Pope cause I really don't want to hurt him.
> 
> Edited by me and a couple of glasses of rum so apologies for any mistakes.
> 
> Anyway read below to find out if this is an actual fic or just the crazy ramblings of an insane woman.

It was like a blur.

John B and Sarah were gone.

They had tried to save them and they had failed.

Kie, Pope and JJ had to somehow pull themselves together to answer questions.

And there were a lot of questions.

They went over and over them, together and separate. Telling and retelling what happened. Abouthow John B was innocent, about how they started a man hunt over the wrong person, about how they _murdered_ two sixteen year olds.

It was almost midnight before they were let go. Allowed to finally go home and somehow process the events of the night.

Kie's mum hugs her close, gently guiding her to the outside of the tent when Kie notices JJ still sitting on the chairs near by, playing with his cap in one hand, the other dragging through the mop of hair on his head.

_He’s still alone_ , she notes. Of course the piece of trash that is Luke Maybank doesn’t give a shit.

‘Mum,’ Kie stops in her tracks, ‘can I? I think I should... do you mind if I give JJ a ride home.’

‘Kiara,’ her mother starts, she’s never been a big fan of JJ, and after today there is no way she would want her daughter out of her sight for even a moment.

Kie is getting ready to fight her on her mother’s veto when her dad presents her car keys, clearly understanding that why she needs to do this, be there for him, for them to be there for each other, right now.

‘Just make sure you come home tonight,’ he tells her with a pointed glare.

Nodding in return Kie takes the key from her father, she knows how much heart ache this must have caused her parents, and makes her way over to JJ.

She can’t quite read the look on his face when she holds her hand out in front of him, but his eyes are red and she knows he’s been crying, but after a beat he grabs her hand with his own and lets her pull him up.

They drive to the chateau in silence. There is no way he can go back home now so, atleast for now, the chateau is his only option. And the dead air is heavy between them, she doesn’t think she’s ever felt awkward sitting in silence with JJ.

JJ mumbles a _thanks_ when they pull up outside and moves to leave but his hand pauses on the door handle and he turns back to Kie.

‘Want a drink?’ Because well, nether of them want to be alone, and alcohol does numb the pain, at least for a moment.

Really, she knows she should go home, give her parents some peace of mind, cry in the shower and sleep for the next two days. But she doesn’t, because nothing sounds better than hanging out in the chateau and having a beer with her friend right now.

So JJ gets her a beer and they sit down at the table and it’s so quiet for so long. Such a stark difference from what it’s usually like there. Neither of them really knowing what to say, what is there to say?

‘They could have made it you know.’

Kie does’t look at him when he speaks, instead staring down at the beer bottle in her hand, picking at the label on it.

‘Maybe,’ she takes another sip of her drink, they both know the chances of that are bleak.

‘The Phantoms pretty tough.’

_Maybe not._

Kie like’s to think of herself as an optimist. Someone who will always look on the bright side, glass half full, ‘lets find the good out of this’ kind of person. But this. This? She just can’t. Because things are so messed up, everything they’ve been though lately, nothing has worked out, nothing has gone right. So she can’t bring herself to think this will work out, she can’t have hope. She just can’t.

‘God, JJ you don’t really believe that, do you?’ She scoffs at him.

‘It’s better than giving up isn’t it?’ JJ snaps back, raising his voice but then instantly regretting it as he curls back in his seat away from her.

She’d get mad at him for talking to her like that if things were different, but she knows he’s just upset and emotion has never been his strong suit. When in doubt he resorts back to the one he knows best, anger.

Maybe not talking was the best option.

JJ must agree because he downs the rest of his drink and stands up to get another one, roughly running his hands though his hair as he does, pulling at it a little.

When he sits down next to her again he bites his lip and looks up at her, ‘It just-‘

He cuts himself off, takes a drink, ‘I can’t give up on him, Kie. You know? He’s been my best friend since the third fucking grade and I can’t - I can’t just accept it. Just give up on him. Say he’s gone and move on.’

He tightly squeezes his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears forming in his eyes back and Kie’s heart breaks for him. For him, and for her, and for John B, and for Sarah, and for this fucked up reality they’ve found themselves in.

Shuffling forward on her chair a bit she reaches out and places her hand on JJ’s trying to offer some form of comfort to him.

‘I know. I - I don’t want to think it either JJ, I love,’ she omits the ‘d’ for now because she doesn’t think that will help the situation at all, ‘John B too, but- But holding onto false hope isn’t going to help.’

He continues to stare at their joined hands for a moment and then looks up at her again, his eyes pleading.

‘But what if hope is all you have?’

Kie doesn’t know what to say to that. So she just looks at him with a small shake of her head, he looks back.

She thinks _did he just look at my lips?_ About a second before he’s kissing her, closing the small gap between them and bringing his hand up behind her head.

And she’s not pulling away, in fact she’d be lying if she said part of her didn’t lean into it, moving her lips against his.

Almost as quickly as it happened however, she’s pulling away.

Kie jumps up from where she’s sitting and moves away, ‘what the fuck JJ?’

‘Shit. Fuck.’ He stands up too, and starts pacing, running his hand through his hair tugging on it slightly, ‘I- fuck. I’m sorry.’

‘You can’t just kiss me JJ.’

‘Yeah I know! I didn’t - shit. I didn’t mean too.’ He stands still and looks at her, ‘it just. God everything’s just moving so fast - fuck. I’m sorry.’

She knew what he meant, their world has been turned upside down in a matter of days, it’s gone so fast and it seems like everything is working on auto pilot, they are making decisions that make no sense.

Hell, earlier today she kissed Pope. God, she has no idea why she did that.

‘I’m sorry, Kie. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.’

The more JJ apologised the more Kie felt like he shouldn’t. Because god it felt good to kiss him, to feel close to someone after losing someone so close to them. The comfort in the touch of someone. The distraction that comes with his lips on hers.

‘Can we just pretend-‘ he doesn’t finish because Kie is grabbing his face in her hands and kissing him. Harder, rougher and messier than he did to her.

‘What?’ He mumbles against her lips, barley breaking away to get the words out.

‘Just go with it.’ Kie responded before recapturing his lips.

JJ didn’t need to be told twice. He places one hand on the back of her head once again, wrapping his hand in her hair and pulling her in closer to him. Kie can’t even bring her self to be embarrassed at the moan she lets out when he tugs on it.

She grips his sides and instantly feels him cringe and tense against her, she completely forgot about the about the big purple bruises that lined his torso.

Kie pulled back at his response, not much, just enough that their lips were parted but foreheads still held flush.

‘Shit,’ she whispered against his lips, ‘sorry i-‘

He instantly cut her off, ‘it doesn’t fucking matter Kie,’ and then he’s back on her lips like nothing happened.

As if her hands have a mind of their own when they sneak their way up his chest and start working at the buttons of his shirt.

_Right, okay, so that’s happening, s_ he thinks to herself, _this isn’t just macking. This is going somewhere._

She undoes three buttons then works her hands inside his shirt working her fingers over the toned expanse of his chest. The skin on skin contact awakens something in her and suddenly it’s not enough. Giving up on the buttons completely Kie pulls back, enticing a small whimper from JJ as she does so, and grabs the bottom of his shirt pulling it over his head.

JJ’s hands move to the top of her thighs when Kie surges back to his lips. Wordlessly getting the hint her arms go around his shoulders and she jumps, wrapping he legs around his waist as his strong hands effortlessly support her.

He slowly walks her backwards until she’s sitting on the kitchen bench, even with the new support she doesn’t untangle her legs from around him, only pulling away briefly to discard her shirt leaving her in her bikini top.

Kie throws her shirt somewhere over JJ’s shoulder, not much caring where it ends up as his lips start to work their way down her neck. Sucking and biting at her soft skin, setting her nerves alight. She throws her head back giving him as much access as he can get and grips his shoulders.

As her lips trace his she can feel the scab from his busted open lip, it doesn’t seem to hurt when he presses against her, or maybe it does and he just doesn’t care enough to stop her. She knows in this moment if it broke open she’s not sure she could bring herself to care.

His fingers slide from their position on her hips across the waistband of her shorts slightly dipping in with his finger tips. He hesitates for a moment before pulling his lips away from her neck so he can look her in the eye.

‘Can I-‘ he doesn’t finish his sentence because Kie is nodding in response.

‘Yeah, JJ. God. Yes.’

What did he think? She was going to stop him? There was no way he was getting her all worked up then leaving her high and dry.

(Figuratively speaking.)

She unwraps her legs from around his waist to spread them wider and leans back on her hips to give him better access.

JJ gives her a lopsided grin, he knows exactly the effect he’s had on her. Damn him.

It’s forgotten however when he quickly pecks her on the lips then without breaking eye contact brings two of his fingers up to his mouth and sucking on them. Getting them nice and wet before travelling his hand back down her, something tells her that’s not going to be an issue.

He pushes his hand inside her shorts and past her underwear, running his two fingers gently along her slit starting to collect the moisture that has built there.

‘Shit, Kie,’ he lets out in a shaking breath, and any embarrassment she may have felt from getting this wet this quickly left her mind at the sound of his voice, thick and gravelly as if the mere thought of her reacting to him like this was is enough to make him come undone. 

With nimble fingers he starts working her over, finding her swollen clit and giving it the attention it deserves. JJ tries to dip his hand lower but between the restrictive fabric of her shorts and the way she’s perched on the bench it makes it a near impossible task so he back tracks. After few slow movements of his fingers JJ tries to adjust his hand again and when he’s met with resistance yanks his hand completely out of her shorts.

‘Fuck this,’ he mutters.

Before Kie can complain she’s being picked up again, barely having a moment to grab onto JJ’s shoulders to steady herself.

With ease he moves them over to the pull-out bed, the sheets still messy from whoever slept in it last (Kie tries not to think about that too much), and gently lays her down on top of it and then kneels in front of her. 

After taking a moment to drink her in JJ brings his hands of the sides of her shorts hooking his fingers over the waistband of them and her underwear and pulls them both off in one foul swoop. Once they are discarded somewhere over his shoulder he comes back to hover on top of her and his hand finds its way to where she needs it most.

Once again he spreads around her wetness, collecting it on his fingers. He gives her clit a couple quick circles then moves down, pushing two of his fingers inside her with ease.

Kie sucks in a breath as his fingers enter her, throwing her head back and biting her lip as he starts to move them, a skilled combination of moving them in and out, bending and twisting them, and letting his thumb brush gently against her clit.

His other hand moves up to her chest, using his elbow to keep him from crushing her, and pushes up her bikini top to expose her chest, her nipples hard and begging for attention. As if reading her mind JJ strums his thumb against one of them and Kie bites her lip harder struggling to repress the moan the builds in her throat. He then bring his mouth to the other, circling his tongue around it.

She can’t stop the ragged moan that escapes her mouth then, her senses to overloaded to worry about keeping her cool. She can feel JJ chuckle against her but cannot bring herself to care as the vibrations tingle on her skin.

Kie could feel the knot building in her, her legs starting to shake and her breathing spreading up.

_God not yet_ , she thinks, _save it._

‘JJ,’ she managed to squeak out.

He seemed to only take that as encouragement and spurred ahead.

Tangling her hand in his hair she gave it a sharp tug, ‘JJ!’

He seemed to get the message then, both his hands pulling away coming up to her side to brace himself above her. His head shooting up to look at her, worry in his eyes, like maybe he went to far, did something wrong.

_ Oh god no.  _

She gently runs her fingers though his hair to reassure him while she took a moment to catch her breath to get some words out. 

His hair was a mess, sticking out in just about every direction, his pupils completely blown and his lips red and puckered. 

‘JJ,’ she almost pants, ‘take off your pants.’

JJ’s eyesbrows shoot up, as if he was taken by surprise, maybe he wasn’t expecting her to be that blunt, or maybe he didn’t think this was going to go that far, or hell maybe he just kinda forgot what was happening for a moment. 

‘Oh,’ he chocked out, ‘right. Yeah.’

He quickly shuffled backwards off the bed, standing up at the foot of it his hands moving to his pants, a prominent bludge presenting itself at the front. 

Kie took the opportunity take off her bikini top and place it down beside her and then prop herself up on her forearms watching JJ, feeling strangely comfortable laying completely naked in front of him. 

JJ popped the button of his pants and then looked down, with a mumbled _shit_ realising he still had his boots on. He brought his feet up one at a time pulling at the laces, trying to pull them off while balancing on one foot. Dumping both shoes onto the ground he moved back to his pants for a second before reconsidering his choice to keep his socks on. 

Kie couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, it’s the first time in all this that JJ seemed awkward, nervous even, not all practiced moves and cocky attitude. It was cute. And also, somehow, insanely hot. 

He looked back to her seeing her smile and shot her a cheesy grin in return. Then once again moved to his pants, pulling down the fly and then hooking his thumbs over the waistband, only hesitating a beat before pulling them and his underwear down and kicking them off to the side. 

Any level of humour Kie was feeling at the moment disappeared as he stood in front of her, hard and throbbing. Her throat went dry as he ran his thumb over his tip, collecting the precum dripping out of it and then gave his length a few small tugs.

Climbing back onto the bed and crawling over her JJ spread Kie’s legs bringing them to frame his hips. In some impulsive need to taste him Kie grabbed JJ’s hand and brought it up to her mouth, sucking his thumb between her lips. She swiped her tongue over it lapping up the precum on it then realising it from her mouth with a pop. 

‘Jesus Christ,’ JJ muttered dropping his head for a moment and then looking back up at her, ‘you’re gonna be the death of me.’

He surged forward capturing her lips in her own oncemore exploring her mouth with his tongue. 

One of his hands came up to cup her cheek as he continued to kiss her, thumb gently rubbing over her skin, the other slowly wound its way down between them gripping himself and starting to line himself up with her. Kie could feel him at her entrance and her body tightened with anticipation when suddenly he pulled away. 

‘Fuck.’

JJ pushed himself up and Kie grabbed onto his biceps, ‘what?’

‘I don’t - I don’t have a condom,’ JJ threw his head back trying to think, ‘there’s um... I think there were some in... shit. I don’t know...’

‘Hey,’ his head snapped to her breaking him out of his rambling, ‘you always use one right?’

He nodded, ‘yeah, course.’

‘And so do I. And I’m on the pill... so...’

His eyebrows knit together confused at what she getting at. 

‘So we could just ... ya know. Just once.’

‘Oh. Oh. Oh yeah,’ he clicked. 

‘If you want,’ she didn’t want to pressure him to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. 

‘No. I mean yeah- shit yeah. Ofcourse.’

He leant back down and kissed her again, resuming his position from before. 

Kie sucked in a breath as his tip entered her and hiked one of her legs up over his back. JJ groaned at the way it caused her to tighten around him. 

He slowly pushed into her. Painfully slowly. Kie wanted to tell him to hurry up but didn’t want the cocky grin he’d give her at how desperate for him she was.  He bottomed out in her and paused there for a moment letting her adjust, even just the feeling of him filling her up was driving her wild. He placed his lips on her softly kissing her as he started to pull out again, once again excruciatingly slowly. She began to throb around him, her walls begging for more. 

He paused when he was almost out again, then brought his hand along her thigh, then her knee, moving it up and hooking it over his shoulder. Then without warning he slammed into her, his full length in one instant. Kie let out a scream at the sensation, her whole body tingling. 

She hears JJ start laughing and she wants to roll her eyes at him, of-course he was teasing her on purpose, for his own amusement, but really she can’t bring her self to actually be annoyed in this moment. 

‘You’re an asshole,’ she complains none the less, for the sake of appearances.

He just plants a quick soft kiss to her lips, and then another and another until he feels her kiss back. 

‘I’ll make it up to you.’

JJ starts moving again more shallow thrusts this time and faster but still not to fast. They settle into a rhythm and Kie started moving her hips meeting him with every thrust. 

‘Fuck you’re so tight,’ he moans into her neck, ‘you feel so good. So fucking good.’

It doesn’t surprise Kie JJ likes to talk during sex, with the amount he talks any other time. What does surprise her is how much she likes it, his words of affirmation urging her on. 

He’s attacking her neck when she slips her leg off his shoulder, she feels him start to pull back but she doesn’t give him a chance to comment before she’s rolling them over and sitting on top of him. 

His hands instinctively fall onto her hips and when she pushes her hair over he shoulder and out of her face she finds him staring up at her in awe. 

‘God you’re beautiful,’ he states, no humour in his voice, no lust driven falsehood. 

She believes him.More than she’s believed any compliment in her life. And all she can do is smile. 

She leans down to him, kissing him again and his hands come to tangle in her hair. She starts moving again, gently rocking back and forth on him. 

She feels the movement building her up inside and she sits up again chasing the feeling, almost not hearing the soft whimper JJ let’s out when she breaks away. 

Her hips roll against him as she chases her high, circling them and changing the angle as she goes. Kie bites her lip and throws her head back her eyes closing tight, only opening again when she feels JJ sit up. 

He brings on arm to wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against him, the other rests behind him giving him leverage to thrust up, meeting her movements. Their new position allows for her clit to rub against him as they move and her walls clamp down on him. 

‘Oh god,’ she moans. 

‘You like that baby?’ 

‘Yeah,’ she whines, ‘oh yeah.’

‘Shit,’ he pants against her, ‘Keep going.’

Kie could feel her body start to tense, her movements starting to become more erratic. 

‘JJ. Oh. I’m gonna-‘ She tried to get out. 

‘I know, baby, me too,’ He thrusts hard up into her, ‘cum for me Kie.’

Her legs start to shake and she grips onto JJ to keep her up. 

‘Come on baby, cum wrapped around me,’ JJ encourages and suddenly her orgasm rips through her with a scream, her nails dig into his skin as the wave of pleasure rolls over her. 

She feels JJ tense under her and he makes a few short thrusts into her as he fills her up, a soft fuck mumbled into the crook of her shoulder. 

They’re both breathing heavily when they look at each other both as blissed out as the other. JJ closes the small space between them and kisses her slowly then falls back onto the mattress pulling her with him. 

She lays on top of him wordlessly for a minute before rolling to the side and laying next to him. 

They both tilt their heads to the other and let out a laugh, because what else can they do. What the hell did they just do?

Kie knows she should probably leave. She knows her parents would be waiting for her. And the longer she stays the more chance that the reality of the situation to come crashing down and for things to go from funny to awkward really quick. 

But she honestly doesn’t think she could get her legs to move right now. And if she did she thinks they may just collapse underneath her when’s she stands. 

So she just lays there. Just for a minute. 

* * *

When Kie wakes up there’s a heavy arm slung across her body and she freaks out for about a second before the smell of salt water and weed helps her identify the person as JJ and the events of the night come back to her. 

The good and the bad. 

By looking around the dark room she hasn’t been asleep long, it could still technically be classed as night, that means if she leaves now she can still tell her parents she wasn’t gone all night without lying.

That and if she leaves while JJ is still asleep they don’t have to discuss the whole ‘we just had sex’ thing.

The only thing stopping her, JJ pushed up behind her and his arm flung haphazardly over her waist. There’s no way she’s moving with out waking him up.

As if sensing her need JJ shifts in his sleep and then rolls over to the other side of the bed onto his stomach and letting out a soft snore.

She slowly sits up trying not to shake the cheap fold-out bed to much as she does. As she goes to stand she notices the dried cum between her legs that had seeped out as she slept. Did she seriously not pee after? Guess all she can do is pray to the gods and hope in their mercy she doesn’t get a uti.

She ignores the mess, deciding she’ll shower when she gets home she starts the hunt for her clothes. Tip toeing to the end of the bed where her shorts and panties were discarded, she gently tugs them on. Then moves to the kitchen to pick up her top that’s hanging from one of the chairs. Now she just needs her bikini top - it’s was near the bed somewhere she knows it.

Doing her best to keep quiet she snuck back over trying to search the floor.

_Shit._

She couldn’t see it anywhere. Maybe she can go without it. Pick it up some other time.

The decision is made for her when JJ stirs next to her and one of his eyes opens, sleepily surveying his surroundings. She quickly throws on her shirt, the thought of him seeing her standing there topless freaking her out dispite how comfortable she had been being naked in front of him earlier in the night.

‘Kie?’ He asks, clearly confused, the memory of earlier not yet caught up with him.

‘Oh,’ _there it is_ , ‘hey.’

‘Hey,’ she almost whispers, she’s not sure why but it feels right, ‘I’ve gotta head home- my parents are probably freaking out.’

JJ stretches and wiggles around a bit, and Kie becomes painfully aware that he is completely naked under that sheet.

‘M’kay,’ he mumbles out, still half asleep. Kie pushes down the part of her that thinks he looks unbearably cute right now, she pushes the part of her that wants to climb in next to him and cuddle up until she falls back asleep even deeper.

‘I’ll um... I’ll see you later.’

His eyes have drifted closed again and she pretty sure he’s fallen back asleep. She not sure why she does it but she leans over and kisses his temple, ‘bye.’

He hums in response and she practically runs out the door.

If she being completely honest, she always sort of had a thing for JJ.

A thing in the way that she’s best friends with three guys and if she had to pick one to be ‘into’ it’d be JJ.

A thing in the way that he’s one of her best friends and she cares about him. And she wouldn’t really mind sleeping with him (yeah okay she didn’t mind in the slightest).

And if she being completely honest with herself a thing in the way of your typical crush. Where she would like to be his girlfriend. And she wonders if he wants to be her boyfriend. And she sometimes over thinks every other thing he does because she’s tryna figure out if he’s into her too or not.

The thing is though, she’s always known JJ wanted to sleep with her, because he’s always hitting on her. And well he does that with any girl that moves. But he’s never really shown any indication to her beyond that that he’s interested, that he’s cares about her more than a platonic friend that he wouldn’t mind nailing cause she’s a girl with a heartbeat.

But this wasn’t about that. And that’s what makes it uncomfortable.

Because this wasn’t a ‘in a moment of weakness we’re finally giving into our feelings’ hookup, no, she could deal with that. Maybe not well, but she certainly could deal with it.

This was a ‘we’re grieving our best friend and I need some comfort and to feel close to someone so I don’t feel so alone’ hookup and that makes things complicated. Because it’s to easy for that to fall in the category of ‘mistake’ and how is she supposed to face JJ knowing he may think that. And then how are they supposed to carry on like usual, like this never happened. Because there’s no relationship status to discuss, _are we together? Do we just stay friends?_ Nope. It’s _we are friends who have had sex_. That’s my good ol buddy JJ that I happen to know what he tastes like, and how his body feels when he comes. You know, normal friend stuff.

And then on top of that, there’s Pope. Who she kissed not 12 hours before sleeping with his best friend. And how was she supposed to deal with that. How is she supposed to tell him she shouldn’t of done that? So that’s another relationship that’s never going to be the same. 

One day and in some form of another she’s lost the three people most important to her.

Life is fucked. 

* * *

It’s not until the next morning when Kie looks in the mirror and see’s the purple and black splotches lining her neck. If she was a braver person she would go see her JJ and give him shit about it _seriously? What are you? A thirteen year old girl?_ And they would laugh and things wouldn’t be weird and things could go back to normal.

She’s a coward.

She stays in her room for three days straight. She cry’s over John B and she sleeps and she avoids the outside world as much as possible. Which is easy enough when the phone towers are still down. 

They get fixed on the forth day and suddenly she can’t hide anymore. The outside world is at her finger tips and even if she could stop herself checking instagram (she can’t) there’s no way she can just ignore the messages that roll in. 

**_JJ_ **

haven’t seen you in couple days

you doing alright

-

**_Pope_ **

I know the timing isn’t great. But can we talk?

\- 

She stares at the messages, she knows ignoring will just make things worse, creating a bigger gap in there group that’s already there. That doesn’t mean she actually has to deal with it now. 

**_JJ_ **

did JB have dish soap ?

-

Kie smiled at her phone, the contrast of the caring and the mundane messages from JJ reminding her the it’s just JJ that’ll probably take more than them having sex for him to get weird on her.

**_JJ_ **

Doing fine - Just been laying low for a while

look under the sink I guess ?

are you seriously going to wash a dish?

-

The three dots showing he’s typing appeared and dissapresd a few time then just a simple, _that’s good._

Then a moment later 

**_JJ_ **

drank cereal out of a vase this morning - figured it was probably time

modern problems require modern solutions

im nothing if not an innovator

-

She exits the chat and goes back to Pope’s message. Can we talk? Talk about how I rejected you and then kissed you. Talk about how you're apparently in love with me and I used you because I was sad? Talk about how I want to just stay friends and for things to go back to how they were but we both know we can’t?

_No thanks._

**_Pope_ **

can’t right now - maybe later ?

-

He doesn’t respond.

She’s pulled herself out of bed and downstairs for something to eat - her parents don’t comment about her being up and she’s so thankful for that - when another one comes through.

**_Pogue style_ **

**_JJ:_** beer, fishing, hms pogue, 20 minutes.

-

Her hands hover over the keys, two weeks ago she would have jumped at the opportunity. Now it’s feels wrong. Without John B, with how it is with the others.

-

**_Pope:_** I’m there

-

_That settles it._

-

can’t. I have to work. 

**_JJ:_** oh come on Kie

sorry

-

So that’s what she does. She works. Which turns out to be the perfect distraction. She keeps busy so she doesn’t think about John B. She has a perfect out when ever JJ or Pope want to hang out or talk and if she happens to be out on break everytime they come by, well that’s just a coincidence. 

It ends in an ambush two weeks later. Her back in turned wiping down a table so she doesn’t get a chance to spot him wander through the door. 

‘Kiara Carrera put down the rag,’ JJ calls from behind her, she whips around to see him casually strolling towards her. 

‘Hey, JJ,’ she quickly pushes her hair behind her doing her best to not make it obvious she’s avoiding eye contact, god she hates that she’s so awkward around him now, ‘what are you doing here?’

He crosses his arms in front of him when he reaches her a looks down, ‘kidnapping you.’

‘You know announcing the whole kidnapping thing kinda defeats the intention of the kidnapping.’

‘Well. Because I’m a good friend I’m giving you the option of an elective kidnapping before I throw you over my shoulder and haul you outta here myself.’

Kie rolled her eyes at him and moved onto the next table, ‘I’m working JJ.’

He followed her, she knew he would, ‘that’s a bullshit excuse and you know it Kie.’

She didn’t look up at thim, ‘come on you, me, Pope. We’re going surfing. Now.’

‘I can’t JJ...’

‘Please Kie,’ he cut her off, ‘this whole avoiding us thing is getting old.’

‘I’m not avoiding you.’

‘Yes, you are. But you’re just gonna have to get over it.’

Kie scoffed at him, ‘get over it. Okay, get over what exactly? The fact that John B is dead? The fact that things will never be the same again? Acting like nothing’s changed isn’t going to magically make this okay again JJ. And I don’t even know how to be around Pope right now because I kissed him and now he wants to talk and I don’t know what to say to him. And then you and I-‘

JJ stepped toward her, standing only inches away from her and brought his hand over her mouth to stop her talking.

‘I’m gonna need you to shut up for a second now Kie.’

He paused and she glared.

‘Yes, John B is gone. And it’s never going to be the same again. But something massive has changed in our life and to be able to deal with the properly we need everything else to stay the same. We are the only three people who know what we’re going through and we need each other to get through it. So just forget about all the other bullshit. About things being weird, and what your gonna say. And let’s just go surfing.’

Kie tried to protest, but her words just came out muffled sound against JJ’s hand.

‘Yes Kie, with the guy you kissed and the guy you slept with,’ he said, as if reading her mind, ‘we’re just gonna move past that for today, okay? It’s never gonna stop being weird if you just keep avoiding it. Okay?’

He had a point. She did miss hanging out with them. Even if things aren’t the same, even with all the bullshit, they needed to find their new normal.

‘Okay?’ JJ asked again.

She nods her head and he lets go of her mouth and takes a step back, she kinda hates that she misses the warm of his body and almost steps forward with him to find it again.

‘Great. Let’s go.’

‘No, seriously, I can’t go now JJ. I’m working.’

JJ grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, guiding her towards the door.

‘Ah, weak excuse Kie.’

‘I’m serious JJ.’

‘Me too. Let’s go.’

When they reach the door they run into Kie’s dad walking up the stairs.

‘You don’t mind if I steal her from you for a couple hours do you Mr C?’

‘Be my guest,’ he says as he steps aside letting them past.

It doesn’t surprise Kie, her parents aren’t the biggest fan of JJ but they’ve been begging her to go out and do something and see someone for weeks now.

She hates the smug ‘see?’ JJ throws her way.

It almost feels normal. The three of them out on the waves, even if someone is missing. And she’s unbelievably thankful that they don’t really have to talk.

They end up going back to the chateau to fish, well the boys fish, Kie sits with her legs hanging off the dock, mocking them for not having caught anything.

The casual happiness, the normalcy, almost falls apart when Pope sits down next to her and tries to talk, keeping his voice low to stop JJ from hearing but JJ calls him over, saying something about there being something on his line and he’s gone again.

JJ flashes a small smile at her when she looks up at him and the mouths _thank you_ , JJ just shrugs in response, as if it wasn’t a big deal and looks back to the water. It wasn’t really a big deal but the small gestures always seem to mean the most.

They day ends in the dark, with drinks and banter around the fire. She doesn’t even notice JJ disappear into the house but when he comes back out he has fresh beer in one hand and throws a jumper at Kie with the other. She hadn’t even mentioned she was cold.

It smells like him when she pulls it on and there’s something comforting about being wrapped up in his scent.

All in all. Not a bad day. 

* * *

JJ is absolutely beaming as Kie and Pope sit down at the chateau’s kitchen table across from him. They exchange worried glances at each other because, while it’s not unusual for JJ to be happy and full of energy, this was some next level shit and as far as they could tell there was no reason for it.

‘JJ, what is this big news,’ Pope ask already exhausted from JJ’s show.

‘Okay. Okay. Okay.’ JJ repeats over and over while pacing in front of them on the other side of the table, ‘you guys ready?’

‘Yes!’ Kie and Pope spoke in unison.

‘Well boy and girl, may I present to you,’ JJ reached into his pocket and lifted whatever he pulled out up into the air to present to them.

It was a palm tree.

Not an actual palm tree, that might have been slightly interesting. No, a palm tree keychain. And JJ was grinning ear to ear about it.

‘Are you fucking kidding me,’ Kie deadpanned.

‘Seriously JJ,’ you could hear Pope rolling his eyes, ‘a key chain?’

‘Oh no, no,’ JJ turns around the key chain showing them the back, ‘a key chain from the Bahamas.’

Sure enough stamped in black letters on the back was ‘GREETINGS FROM THE BAHAMAS’.

‘And?’ Pope inquired.

‘The Bahamas guys.’ JJ leaned onto the table throwing the keychain down in front of them, ‘that’s where the gold is!’

‘And? JJ!’ Kie stressed, surely he had a point in here somewhere.

‘This came in the mail today. In an envelope. No return address. No note,’ he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up envelope, ‘tell me this doesn’t look like John B’s handwriting.’

Kiara felt something vaguely familiar to hope as she grabbed the envelope from JJ and looked at it with Pope, slightly annoyed he decided to take the long route to get to this news.

And, well it all sort of added up.

‘Oh my god,’ Pope breathed out, clearly believing it too.

‘They’re alive.’

JJ stepped back again spreading his arms out beside him and grinning in victory, ‘right? Right!’

‘And they're in the Bahamas’

JJ clicked his fingers and then pointed at Kie, ‘the Bahamas!’

‘The Bahamas!’ Kie practically screamed.   


John B was alive.

‘The mother fucking Bahamas, baby!’ JJ howled. 

Before she knew it Kie was jumping to her feet and running over to JJ jumping into his arms. He squeezed her tight and lifted off the ground. 

She pulled back eventually but didn’t let go of him, and suddenly realised how close they were, there noses almost touching. The closest they’d been since -

Did he just look at her lips?

They pulled away with an awkward clearing of their throats. When she glanced over to Pope he seemed to notice something was off with the weird look he was giving them. It didn’t last long however because suddenly he was jumping up too and pulling them both in for a group hug. 

Their friends were alive. And in that moment none of the other bullshit mattered.  


* * *

They end up spending the day together because after news like that how can you not? And for the first time in weeks, save one occasion but this isn’t about that, she feels like she can breathe. 

It’s almost like things we’re before, John B might not be there but at least they know he’s out there and safe and maybe, just maybe will be there again soon. She gets rudely reminded how not like before thing were before when Pope comes and sits down beside her and he’s got that look in his eye. 

‘Hey, do you think we could talk?’

JJ seems to hear Pope and abandons his attempts to show them how good he is at climbing trees (see: not very), and also gives Kie a look. A look she much prefers, the ‘do I need to bail you out of this right now?’ look. 

She shakes her head slightly at him. She needs to do this at some point, might as well be now. 

‘Well I’m just gonna go-‘ JJ trails off knowing full well no one is really paying attention and wanders off towards the house. 

Kie shifts uncomfortably in the hammock, trying to find the right words. 

‘Look, Pope-‘ she starts but is cut off. 

‘It’s okay Kie, you don’t need to say it. I know you avoiding me means you don’t exactly have the answer I’m looking for,’ he looks down at his hands. 

The look in his face breaks her heart and she wishes she wasn’t the reason for it. 

‘No. I do okay. Maybe not before, but I kissed you. And I shouldn’t have, that was wrong of me,’ she pauses playing with her hands, ‘I think I was sad, about John B leaving. And I was searching for some sort of comfort, some stability. Which you’ve always been for me. Because I care so much about you Pope I really do. Just not like that. I used you, and I hurt you. And I hate myself for it, because the last thing I want to do is hurt you.’

‘Hey,’ he reaches down and grabs her hand, and she feels like even more of an asshole because how is it he’s the one comforting her right now, ‘I think we both made some mistakes. There’s no use beating ourselves up about it. The best we can do is move forward right?’

‘Yeah,’ she whispers in agreement.

She want’s to hugs him, but she probably shouldn’t make that mistake twice. 

‘Friends?’ She asks instead.

‘Always.’

They sit in silence for a minute before Pope is standing up, clearing his throat.

‘I should get going.’

‘What? No,’ she follows him, standing as well, ‘You don’t have to go.

Pope shrugs, ‘I do actually, my dad’s got an insane watch on my every move since - everything.’

‘Oh okay. Good luck then,’ she offers him before he heads off.

JJ’s sitting on the couch on the porch smoking a joint when she wanders back inside.

‘How’d it go?’ He asks as she plops down next to him.

‘Good I guess,’ she leans down on his shoulder, not having the energy to support her head anymore, ‘he left though.’

JJ takes another drag from the joint and then places it between her lips.

‘Here. This will cheer you up.’

Kie takes a slow drag and then watches the smoke disappear into the air as she exhales.

‘Do you think things will ever just go back to normal?’

He almost laughs at her questions, ‘Not a chance in hell.’

‘Oh that’s super reassuring, thanks JJ.’

He stretches out his arm, slinging it over her shoulder and pulling her in tighter to him.

‘But we’ll find a new normal. Things will be okay Kie.’

It’s surprisingly wise for JJ, she’s pretty sure he’s just high. But he’s right, it does help.  
  


In hindsight, she should have known things with JJ would have been fine. JJ isn’t one to make a big deal or fixate on things, and she more than aware how comfortable he is with casual sex, so he probably doesn’t think there’s anything to make a big deal out of even if he was the type to do that, so the settle back into how things were pretty easily. Never really talking about what happened, surprisingly Kie doesn’t feel the need to either, happy to fall back into easy friendship with the small amendment that they’ve had sex. 

* * *

They’re sitting on the pull out bed, Kie’s got one leg tucked under her, the other pulled up against her chest as she rests her chin on her knee and looks down at her foot carefully painting her nails with some polish she found rolling around on the floor - just for something to do. 

JJ’s across from her sitting cross legged and absentmindedly playing with his lighter while he watches her. She trying her best not to think about what happened last time they were on this bed together but it’s hard. Had he washed the sheets since then? Doubtful, but god she hopes so. 

She wonders if JJ is thinking about it too. Surely it at least crossed his mind. She pushes it out of her mind, that train of thought was not going to be helpful to anyone. 

‘So uncle T’s just cool with you staying here?’ Kie asks, needing to talk to stop her mind from wandering. 

‘Yeah. He’s not planning on coming back anytime soon, so he just said keep an eye on the place, make sure it doesn’t fall apart. And don’t burn it down.’

Kie laughs at that last part, because that was not a given if JJ had anything to do with it. 

‘In that case, maybe stop playing with a lighter on a bed’

He hands pauses mid motion like he’d been caught out. Then he closes the lighter and slips it into his pocket. 

‘Have you seen your Dad recently?’

‘Nope,’ JJ seemed to tense up at the question but Kie has to ask, ‘I doubt he cares where I am or what I’m doing after what happened to the Phantom.’

He shrugs, ‘kinda works best for both of us.’

Kie nods, not really sure what she should say. She does the last stroke on her toe nails then stretches her leg out past JJ moving it out of the way to let them dry. 

‘Okay,’ she turns to JJ trying to brighten the mood of the room a bit, after her last question brought it down a bit, ‘toes or fingers?’

JJ laughs but plops his hands down - one on each of the thighs - as a response.

‘I can’t believe Pope is missing out on this. He’ll be so jealous.’

Putting more polish on her brush Kie moved to start painting it onto his nails, ‘where is Pope anyway?’

‘Don’t really know. He said something about scholarships and I kinda zoned out.’

JJ paused for a minute watching her work and then spoke again, ‘how’s things going between you two?’

‘Ahh...’ Kiara considered her answer, how were things going? They still weren’t back to normal but... ‘better. I guess. Things are still kinda weird but I think we’re getting past it. Back to friends.’

‘Cool. Cool...’ he said softly nodding, taking in her words. 

‘You know JJ. I’m glad you and I are ... I just-‘ she was struggling to find the words, ‘Thankyou. For not being weird about ... what happened.’

‘No problem. I mean, I think that night we were both just after the same thing. Some comfort, to feel close to someone. A good distraction,’ he swallowed, ‘I don’t see why we should have to make a big deal over it. And I mean, I’m not gonna stop being your friend just because I know what your O face looks like.’

Kie laughs, ‘please tell me you’re not serious.’ She was fairly certain he was not looking at her when she came, and she hates the thought of the facial expression of hers being filed in his memory right next to how she looks when she’s won an argument, or when she’s pissed off at something dumb the boys did. 

‘Hell yeah I’m serious, it’s kinda like,’ JJ slightly tilts back his head, his eyes fluttering closed.

‘Oh my god,’ Kie groaned, was he seriously doing this?

His face twists a bit and he opens his mouth then starts making some strangled moaning sounds, getting more and more intense.

She’s fairly certain she does not sound like that and he’s exaggerating for the joke but she smacks his shoulder regardless.

‘Jesus Christ. Shut up.’

They both fall into a fit of laughter and Kie’s reminded why she’s so grateful for JJ. He always knows how to make her laugh, get her to loosen up. Even when she thinks things are going to get tense or weird or awkward he’ll have her giggling uncontrollably before she had time to fixate on it.

She goes back to painting his nails, comfortable with the silence that falls over them in the light atmosphere of the room.

When she finishes one hand and moves onto the next one when he speaks again.

‘Kie?’ She hums lightly in response, ‘can I ask you something?’

‘What...’ his hesitation makes her nervous.

‘Was it... you know. Was it ... good?’

Kie’s head shot up to look at him. _Did he really just ask her that?_ They way he’s looking at her, slightly nervous, tilted grin, points to yes. 

‘What?’ She chokes out, how is she supposed to answer that. 

‘How.. was it?’

‘I...’ she racks her brain for the right words, ‘I don’t know,’ _great start Kie_ , ‘it was...’

She looked back down focusing on his nails, ‘you know - you were there.’

He chuckled, ‘I know I was there, Kie. But. Sex with a hot girl. Pretty much meets all my requirements.’

‘It was-‘ god she was defiantly blushing right now, ‘you know what - your ego doesn’t need any more of a boost okay.’

She didn’t need to look up to know he was looking at her with a shit-eating grin, ‘I’m gonna take that as a yes.’

‘You’re unbelievable,’ she muttered shaking her head. 

‘That good?’

‘Shut up.’

He paused again. 

‘Do you ever - think about it?’

‘Why do you want to know,’ she kept looking down carefully coating his nails in blue polish, thankful for the excuse not to look him in the eye. 

‘Just curious.’

‘Sometimes I guess.’

‘Sometimes?’

‘Yeah, sometimes.’

‘In what way?’

‘I don’t know. In a general way, you know. Not about who it was or why it was happening. Just about it.’

He goes quite, his hand slightly gripping her thigh where it rested.

Fuck. That was the wrong thing to say.

‘So like... late at night. When you’re alone?’

Kie scrunched her face together, god she wishes she hadn’t said that. What is supposed to say? _Yes bro, sometimes I masturbate thinking about that time you fucked me_.

‘Okay, I’m done talking about this.’

‘Fine, fine. Okay.’

She thought that had got him to shut up until after a couple minutes when he speaks again.

‘But it was good right?’

Kie let out a heavy sigh. He just didn’t give up did he? She put the brush back in the bottle, freeing up her hands and looked up at him. Starting in right in the eye with a hard glare.

‘Yes, JJ. It was good. Great actually. No guy has ever made me cum that intensely. And some nights when I’m alone and lacking inspiration I think about it to help me out. Okay? Happy?’

He just stares at her. She pretty sure his brain is short circuiting. After a beat his drops his head looking at his lap and she can see him trying to repress the smile playing on his lips.

‘Okay. Right. Cool.’

Satisfied that he’s satisfied Kie moves to pick up the brush again and finish her work.

They sit there watching her work and when she finished he lifts his hand up to inspect it then turns it around putting it up near his face and presenting it to her.

‘Well the colour is just darling,’ he mocks with a laugh.

‘Yeah it matches-‘ Kie stops her self - is that a weird thing to say? Oh god it’s gonna be weirder if she doesn’t finish her sentence, ‘it matches your eyes,’ she finishes softly, trialing off.

He gives her a small warm smile and she returns it bowing her head to look at her lap. Not sure if she can handle the new type of tension that seems to have entered the room. 

* * *

The thing about JJ, well the thing about her and JJ, is that Kie has always been more than happy being just friends with him. Still is in fact, don’t get it twisted, because he is pretty much the only constant in her life right now and she doesn’t know what she would do with out him in her life.

But the point stands even when she knew that she maybe had a thing for him she was perfectly content remaining his friend, because being JJ’s friend is great and she wouldn’t want to mess that up at all. And even if sometimes she found herself wishing it was more, she could appreciate what they had, and the importance of their platonic bond. So being friends with him was more than enough. 

So, the thing is. They are friends, like they were before. But now they’ve had sex. And Kie knows how his touch feels when he touches her like that, so now when he touches her in a way that a couple of months ago would have satisfied her as her good ol’ pal JJ touching her, now feels like her body is going to explode with anticipation. Cause maybe he will touch her like that again.

And then sometimes he’ll be looking at her, and she swears for a second it’s _that_ look, and she wants to scream. The thing is, the glass wall she had the neatly seperate her feeling for JJ as one of her best friends and her feelings for JJ her - whatever you wanted to call it - shattered the moment he kissed her. So her emotions are just a big old jumbled mess that she can no longer compartmentalise.

What makes things worse it the amount of time they have been spending together. And not just together. _Alone_ together. Because John B was still gone. And Pope seems to always be busy. He says he has a lot to make up to his dad, what with ditching the merit scholarship interview and all, and she mostly believes him but she knows that things still are back to normal between them and maybe he need some space.

And well that means that she’s been alone with JJ. A lot. And keeping herself inline when there’s nothing stopping her - expect the potential of bitter rejection - is proving to be quite hard.

When she spots JJ making his way back into the shore Kie does her best to act like she’s actually been reading and not swimming around the the chaos of her own thoughts.

She hadn’t felt like surfing this morning but JJ had begged, bitched and moaned at her until they agreed on a compromise where she lay on the beach reading while he went out into the waves.

She still doesn’t know how her being on the beach or her being at home changed anything seeing as they still weren’t really hanging out but she knew doing something was the only way to shut him up. 

He emerges from the water and does a small jog over to her, surf board in hand. When he gets close enough to her he shakes his head like a dog spraying the sea water from his hair all over her.

‘Gross JJ,’ she tried to recoils from the spray, and when that fails reaches out and whacks his leg with her book, ‘stop it.’

He just flashes her a shit eating grin and drops his board down next to her, sitting on top of it. 

‘Good book?’

‘It’s some 1800’s patriarchal nonsense written by a man who thinks women enjoy being gawked at by seedy men because it makes them feel _womanly_. You decide.’

JJ paused for a beat, ‘-no?’

‘No.’ She affirms.

‘Then why read it?’

JJ lays back his board next to her. He so close she can feel the heat radiating off his bronzed skin. Or maybe that was just the sun as she was some pathetic mess over him.

‘Because it’s a classic,’ she all but rolls her eyes, ‘and we’re studying it next semester.’

He throws his head to the side to look at her, his brows furrowed in confusion, ‘you’re doing shit for school?’

‘Yes JJ. Believe it or not we actually have to go back there after summer.’

‘Do you think John B will be back by then?’ JJ asked looking back up at the sky and crossing his arms over him.

‘I don’t know. I guess it kinda depends on what happens with the investigation, and Ward, and the gold.’

JJ nods and they fall into silence. Kie moves back to her book and is half way down the page before JJ speaks again.

‘I guess you're keen for him to get back.’

She lowers her book again, _what exactly was he getting at?_

‘Ofcourse. He’s my best friend.’

‘Your best friend. Right.’ Beat. ‘That it?’

_And there it is._

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I just mean. You and John B. It just always kinda seemed like you - you know - liked him.’

‘I do like him JJ. He’s my best friend.’

‘That’s not what I meant and you know it.’

‘Well I didn’t. I don’t.’

JJ rolls over onto his stomach, resting one arm under his head and faces her, she almost thinks he’s going to drop it.

‘- but you kissed him.’

She really should know better than to ever think that about JJ.

‘He kissed me.’

‘Right. Right.’

‘You ever think about the fact that you’ve kissed all three of your best friends?’

God. She tries not to think about it. Because she doesn’t want to be that girl. To perpetuate the stereotype that girls and guys can’t be just friends. For the record she is more than capable of being just friends with guys. It’s not her fault they keep kissing her.

‘I try to focus more on the fact that I’ve managed to only sleep with one,’ is all she comes back with because it’s easier to make a joke then deep dive into heteronormative culture with JJ right now.

‘Guess that means I’m your favourite then.’

She lets out a laugh and flicks some sand at him, ‘oh of course JJ.’

She hopes her sarcastic tone is enough to cover up how desperately, tragically true that was.

He eyes flutter down to his hand that’s laying between them. The shade of blue still clinging to his nails, she doesn’t think about it much when she picks up his hand to inspect it. It’s all chipped and half stripped off and the dirt and grease under his nails shines through at the top. It doesn’t look as pretty as when she first did it, but she likes the contrast of the soft blue and the toughness of his hands - it somehow feel perfectly JJ and that works for her.

Her fingers twist around his as she plays with his fingers a bit, then she’s not sure how it happens, but their fingers interlock and they’re holding hands. She considers letting go for a second but when JJ doesn’t move to unlace them she just drops them back down to the sand instead and tries to look back to her book.

She knows JJ is watching her, she can feel his eyes burning into her and she’s so tempted to look at him to see how he’s looking at her but she’s worried that it will break some sort of spell and the moment will be over. So she looks at her book and pushes her lips in a tight line to try and hide the smile that is bursting at the seems of her lips and hopes JJ doesn’t notice that she’s not actually reading because the words are just a blur on the page at this point.

Butterfly’s stir in her stomach when she thinks about how they look right now. To any onlookers they would surely think they were a couple, and Kie thinks that even if she is perfectly happy being just friends with JJ it doesn’t hurt to just pretend even for a couple minutes that that’s true.

Eventually she steals a glance at him. He’s still facing her but his eyes have closed and his breathing steadied and Kie figures he’d fallen asleep, minimal movement and direct sunlight had a tendency to do that to JJ. She took another small moment to take him in and then resolved to actually make some progress on the atrocious book in her hand, slightly adjusting her grip on JJ’s hand and giving it a small squeeze.

She does her best to ignore the electricity that runs up her arm when she feels a small squeeze in return. 

* * *

Kiara sways her hips the the music echoing out of the speaker someone had set up at some point during the night. She’s not sure who decided to throw the party really, all she knew was that there was a keg at the boneyard, and she was there.

They’d created a makeshift dance floor on the sand, and by that she means for some reason all the people who wanted to dance flocked together just off from the fire and she had just enough beer in her system to feel carefree about life and well she almost had a reason to be carefree about life, things were still different, but JB was alive, and her and Pope were friends again and JJ, well he was JJ. So she danced, she danced and laughed. And decidedly did not look over to where JJ is sitting with some Touron.

Okay. She does look.

Every time she moves or turns she studies them out of the corner of her eye trying her best not to seem obvious. It wasn’t unusual behaviour for JJ, in fact it was pretty typical, for him to find some cute girl to charm and convince to come back to the chateau with him, or down the beach, or some dark patch way to close to people if she’s being honest.

And it doesn’t bother her. Or it never used to bother her. But things are different now. Are things different? No things are defiantly different. Even if it’s just on her end. It bothers her a lot and even though every time she looks at them her stomach churns and she feels something in her chest she can’t quite describe, she keeps looking, because if they are still there they are not somewhere else.

The girl throws her head back laughing and Kie rolls her eyes. There is no way whatever JJ said was that funny. Of course JJ was funny, one of the funniest people she knows, but Kie is certain the girls movement had more to with exposing the expanse of skin of her neck and sticking her tits out than JJ’s excellent comedic timing.

She doesn’t want to be that girl, she really doesn’t, that girl who dogs on other girls because she jealous but she can’t help it. The girl has fake bleached blonde hair and her tan is more than a few shades to dark for her and Kie is dying to know if that is really JJ’s type. Is that really what he’s into?

Something snaps in her when JJ leans in a little, his hand causally to rest on the girls leg, it’s a small gesture but Kie knows ‘establish physical contact’ is the first step in JJ’s fool proof plan to pulling hot touron chicks. So she’s gonna stop it, because that’s what good friends do apparently, cock block them for their own selfish reasons.

‘JJ,’ she calls.

The beer in her system electing to coast right past that selfish comment apparently.

He’s midway to a sip out of his cup when she calls, he pauses his movement the cup lingering at his lips and turns to her raising an eyebrow.

She heads out of the crowd of dancers slightly and dance walks towards him reaching out her arms.

‘Come dance with me.’

She pouts knowing that always wins him over, and makes a grabbing motion with her hands, like she’s a child trying to get at a toy she wants the some other kid is playing with.

Which she almost is, but what does that matter.

JJ moves again, taking the sip he was in the middle of when she called him, and looks between Kie and the girl a couples times, who looks less than pleased with what’s happening in front of her. He turns back towards the girl and says something she can’t make out over the music then places his cup in the sand next to him and stands.

Kie pulls him back to the group when he reaches her and grabs her hands, they don’t let go when they start moving to the music.

She always liked that about JJ, that he liked to dance. He never cared what anyone else thought or if anyone was watching he was always keen to dance and just have fun. Even back in middle school when all the boys thought they were to cool for it he would be up in the middle of the dance floor, not a care in the world. It worked to his advantage because all the girls were dancing and well, he got his pick of the batch.

Twisting in his arms Kie moves to face away from JJ, her arms crossed over in front of her encircling herself in his embrace. She brings his hands onto her hips and he hesitates before gripping them, and then she moves back until they are pressed together, their body’s moving in perfect sync. She wonders for a moment if the Touron is watching them, then quickly realises she doesn’t care, because he’s here with her, no one else.

Reluctantly moving her hands off JJ’s where she placed them on her hips she slowly moves them up her body tangling them in her hair after a while she moves them backward settling them around his neck her fingers playing with the ends of his hair and settles herself flush against his chest. Experimentally she rolls her hips back into him, because she’s been drinking, and she’s caught up in the moment and it seems like a good idea, and she can easily blow it off as she’s just dancing, and she can’t be sure but she thinks he may starting to harden in his shorts. A satisfied smile draws across her face. 

‘Kie,’ his voice is a whisper, and his fingers tighten on her hips for half a second, ‘what are you doing?’

Lolling her head back on his chest to look up at him she flashes her most innocent look, ‘what do you mean?’

He opens his mouth to say something else but closes it again and swallows hard. She just smiles and drops her head. Kie feels JJ’s head fall into the crook of her neck, his breath hot and heavy, his lips gently brushing against her skins, setting her on fire. She wonders if she concentrates enough she can somehow will him into touching his lips there intentionally, with purpose. Somehow let him know that he could suck and bite and do whatever he wanted to her neck right now, leave it bruised and purple and patchy, mark himself all over her, she wouldn’t care.

She’s gonna do it, she’s gonna tell him, _it’s okay, please_. But before she can the cold air hits her back and JJ is gone.

When she spins around to see where he went he’s taken a few steps back, his hands roughly running over his face.

‘Jesus Christ, Kie-‘ he almost looks mad, ‘you can’t just-‘

His hand runs through his hair, ‘fuck.’ And he turns away stalking back off to his earlier seat. 

Kie just watches him, shocked and speechless, just standing there. The Touron sits up straighter as he approaches thinking he’s returning to her, but without a word or a second glance JJ picks up his cup and then keeps moving storming down the beach into the darkness.

She figured 10 minutes was enough time to let him cool off so once it’s passed she fills up two cups and wanders down the beach to find him. He didn’t go to far, a couple hundred meters maybe, but far enough that the only light is from the moon and the crashing waves are louder than any other sound around them.

He’s sitting in the sand just beyond where the tide can reach, knees pulled up to his chest, arm leaning on them, looking out to the sea. She’s pretty sure he doesn’t realise she approaching as he tilts his cup up to his mouth, downing the rest of its contents and then throwing it away from him. It doesn’t go far, the wind blows it back and it ends up dropping at his feet.

Now or never, she figures.

‘You know, if a sea turtles drowns on that it will come back a haunt your dreams,’ it supposed to be a joke, lighten the mood from the offset. She reaches out her arm when she gets to him, a price offering also works.

His eyes shift to her and then back out to the sea and then back to her when he realises she’s offering him a drink.

‘I don’t think that’s a foreboding as you think it is,’ he replies as he takes the drink from her, but none the less he picks up the cup from his feet and slides it underneath the new one before taking a big swig from it.

_Peace offering accepted_ she thinks sitting down next to him, making sure she’s not to close because that’s an issue now apparently. Why’d she have to fuck everything up?

Neither of them speak. She not really sure what to say, or how to start, or really what exactly he’s upset about, she figures she's over stepped, which is true, but she never thought it would bother him that much. So she waits, hopes that he’ll start them off, clarify and few things, she can apologise and they can go back to normal.

He doesn’t start. And the lack of talking makes her anxious.

Here goes nothing.

‘So,’ he almost jumps when her voice break through the silence, had he forgotten she was there?, ‘when John B and I kissed…’

He sighs and she ignores him.

‘When John B and I kissed. We talked about if after. We decided that it was bad timing and he was just upset and we were better as friends. Same with Pope, I may have put it off for a while, but we talked and I was honest about how I felt and after sometimes things sorted them self out. But with you. We never talked about it, not really anyway and it -‘

‘Kie we don’t have to talk about this,’ he cuts her off.

‘Yes we do JJ. Okay? And it was like we were just trying to act like nothing happened like nothing changed. But it did. And even if we wanted things to stay the same they can’t. Not unless we talked about it but we didn’t. So it just looms between us, this big unspoken thing. And it makes things confusing.’

‘I guess,’ he’s not looking at her, rather down at the sand, ‘ever since. It’s been harder to keep things separate. I’m just tying - I just want to be your friend Kie. And then you go and do shit like that and it’s-‘

‘I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-‘

‘You don’t have to apologise Kie,’ he actually looks up at her.

‘But I want to. I should. I know it makes things,’ she searches for the right word before hesitantly landing on, ‘...harder. No pun intended.’

He laughs, like a real genuine, big smile laugh and nudges her shoulder and she knows they’re gonna be okay.

‘Yeah, okay. I can’t help it alright?’

She bites her lip and chuckles along with him and looks out the the ocean.

‘Just maybe not more dancing? Atleast like that.’

‘Yup. Got it. Hands to myself.’

‘It’s just it blurs the lines a bit -‘

‘I know.’

‘- and I can’t keep things straight. It’s hard to keep things separate-‘

‘Totally’

‘- and my brain, and my body, gets wrapped up in it and I have to remind myself that we’re just friends -‘

‘Great friends.’

‘-but since it happened, I swear I’ve got it under control, but it’s just harder to box up that part of me that’s so pathetically in love with you-‘

‘I understand JJ, it’s-‘ _wait, what did her just say?_ , ‘wait what?’

Her head snaps to look at him and she thinks her heart might beat out of her chest, _did he just say what she’s thinks he did._

‘I just mean that. That - since we had sex it’s harder to keep the friends things separate-‘

‘You’re in love with me?’

‘Umm-‘ he suddenly he’s all nervous and stumbling over his words, ‘did - did I say love? I don’t think so- no- no-‘

‘JJ.’

‘I mean-‘ he take a long sip of his drink, buying some time, ‘what is love really? Do any of us know?’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

She’s was freaking out now for sure, in love with her, she’s over here pining like a idiot only to find out he’s in love with her. And want to be just friends. God, she can feel a headache coming on.

‘Because. What does it matter? Weather I like you or love you? You know, I have it under control, we’re all good. It doesn’t change anything, we’re still friends and you can be saved all the gory details.’

‘Wait - like me? JJ, what are you talking about.’

‘The same thing we’ve been talking about this entire conversation, Kie. I’m sorry I freaked you out. I really didn’t mean to say that.’

‘No. No- we were talking about - about how I-‘

The conversation quickly plays over in her head and it kinda makes sense and before she knows it she’s leaning over grabbing his face in her hand and kissing him. And god it’s better than she remembered, how are his lips that soft. She pushes into his lips when she feels him kiss back and leans him back onto the sand, quickly shuffling over and straddling his lap.

Her hands start wandering his chest when she feels him push on her shoulders getting her to pull away.

‘Jesus Christ Kie.’ his breath is a little short, ‘we literally just talked about blurring the lines and here you are acting like there aren’t even any.’

She doesn’t move from her place on top of him, looking down at him as he lays in the sand.

‘I thought we were talking about me you idiot.’ 

His face scrunches together in confusion.

‘I thought we were talking about how I can’t do stuff like that to you because you know that _I’m_ pathetically in love with _you_ and you just wanted us to stay friends.’

JJ licks his lips, moves to sit up and holds his arms behind him to hold himself up.

‘So let me get this straight. You thought I didn’t want you grinding on me because I knew you wanted more and I had a problem with that?’

Kie nodded.

‘Kie, that’s just about the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.’

She giggles and playfully shoved his shoulder.

‘Well it sounds dumb now you say it.’

‘You really thought I was rejecting you?’

One of his hands comes up to push her hair behind her ear. 

‘Yeah kinda, you kept saying you only wanted to be friends.’

‘Because I didn’t want you to think I was only friends with you to try and get in you pants.’

‘Oh, so getting in my pants was just a little bonus then?’

‘Yeah. Pretty much,’ he grinned at her, ‘a really, really good bonus.’

She surges forward and captures his lips in hers again. She figure if he loves her she can do this whenever she wants, right?

When they pull apart she rest her forehead against his.

‘So you love me?’ He says it teasingly, making a joke but she answers seriously.

‘Yes,’ her voice is soft, speaking just for him, and sure, ‘I do. I love you.’

His smile is wider than she’s ever seen it before. He grips her waist and rolls them over, laying her down and hovering above her. He presses a peck to her lips. And then another. And another. It reminds her of something he did back in the chateau all those weeks ago. The look in her eyes is so soft so loving she wonders if he was looking at her like that back then, did she just not see it? How did she not see it?

‘I love you too,’ he whispers against her lips, the vibrations of his voice ripple through her.

He pulls away then, standing up and Kie misses the warmth of his body pressed against hers. He extends his hand out to her and pulls her up.

‘Come on,’ he says pulling her along after picking up their discarded cups.

‘Where are we going?’

He knocked his shoulder against hers as they walked.

‘I was thinking back to the chateau? I’m kinda over this party.’

He smirked at her as he said the words, something definitely on his mind but but he lip as he watched her, nervous about her response.

‘I like the sound of that.’

JJ gripped her hand tight and pulled her close as they made their way back up the beach.

In that moment Kiara could safely say, her life was the exact opposite of fucked. 

**Author's Note:**

> Endings kinda simple and predictable and cliche but whatever.
> 
> I'm super insecure about my writing to any feedback is appreciated, especially one the smut casue I've never written that before.
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> Come talk to me or check out some of my other content:  
> instagram: shielclmaiden  
> tumblr: hvitstark


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